Oh cute little Piggy, can I count your many futures? You might turn into bacon, fried up, with just enough grease left in the pan to impart delicious smoky flavor to the eggs! Or perhaps you will be pulled, with a Low Country vinegar sauce on a bun! Or become scrapple! Well, nobody's perfect.
But little Piggy, even without your future culinary applications, you're great just the way you are! You're smart! You're surprisingly clean! Your corkscrew-shaped tail makes me swoon with glee! Why choose between cuddling with the adorable complete package today, and your succulent posthumous virtues sometime in the future? With a couple dietary substitutions we can do both! Cuddle this little piggy today - there's no soy-based replacement for love! 15 squishy inches of savory sidekick! All new polyester fiber, ages 3 and up only!